Land vs. Sea: Round 1 Results

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For round 1 we evaluated animals based on their “offense,” their predatory skills. Since most of these animals do not actually fight each other in the wild, we are judging their predatory skills in a hypothetical fight. At this point there are no clear powerhouses, but there have been several upsets. Let's get to the results!:

[I'm dying to make my picks for the division champions!(Click here to jump to the Round 2 category)]



North Atlantic Right Whale vs. Hawaiian Monk Seal

Africanized Honeybee vs. Python

While Hawaiian Monk Seal’s barked as much as possible, a giant fin slap from the much larger North Atlantic Right Whale made the whale the easy victor. North Atlantic Right Whale wins Having seen The Swarm and The Deadly Bees, the Python was nervous going into the game against the easily-agitated honeybee. As expected, the bee stung the snake as soon as it was swallowed. However, the Africanized Honeybee’s sting is no worse than the average bee, and the bee had already been swallowed. The game ended mere seconds after it began. Python wins.

West Indian Manatee vs. Atlantic Sturgeon

Wild Boar vs. Asian Tiger Mosquito

Atlantic Sturgeon came onto the court ready to rumble, but is unable to find West Indian Manatee, which moves so slow it was late to the game. Irritated, the sturgeon forfeited before the manatee arrived. West Indian Manatee wins. Wild Boar went into the challenge confident its size would make it an easy victor. However Asian Tiger Mosquito, in a sneaky move, bit the Wild Boar weeks before, infecting the pig with a deadly disease. Apparently Wild Boars are no match for tigers OR Asian Tiger Mosquitoes. Asian Tiger Mosquito wins.

Lionfish vs. Zebra Mussel

Gray Bat vs. Mountain Yellow-Legged Frog

When Zebra Mussel tried to take Lionfish in through the filtering system it uses to feed, Lionfish’s poisonous spine infiltrated the unexpecting mussel. Lionfish wins. It seemed Gray Bat’s lack of predatory prowess would lead to its certain loss. However, the frog, weary from fighting pesticides, climate change, and his new, less-than-friendly fish neighbors, keeled over in exhaustion the moment it stepped onto the court. Gray Bat wins.

Chinese Mitten Crab vs. Asian Carp

Puma vs. Bison

Chinese Mitten Crab’s furry claws easily chopped up Asian Carp to victory. However, in a last minute twist, an army of baby carp, created by the fast-reproducing Asian Carp, appeared from the sidelines. The mini-army was too much for the single Chinese Mitten Crab. Asian Carp Wins. Despite living near one another, Puma and Bison are not typically foes. Bison’s large size is typically intimidating enough to stave off predators, but with practice taking down large prey like moose, Puma wins.

Sperm Whale vs. Colossal Squid

Eastern Chipmunk vs. Monarch Butterfly

The world’s largest squid quickly went after Sperm Whale with suckers, leaving wounds over the whale. After a slow start, Sperm Whale dug its teeth in and devoured the squid, just like it does in Olympic Coast National Marine Sanctuary and other areas off our Northern Pacific Coast. Sperm Whale wins. While the chipmunk has very little defensive ability, the Monarch butterfly has none until its already eaten. Eastern Chipmunk wins.

Goliath Grouper vs. Whale Shark

Ladybug vs. American White-footed Mouse

The Whale Shark, completely uninterested in the Grouper because it was looking for plankton, wandered off the court. The Jewfish wins. In one of the sleepiest games of the tournament, the Ladybug flew out of reach of the strong climber mouse. After a long stalemate, White-footed Mouse, enjoying solitude more than high-crowded game areas, went home. God’s cow wins.

Krill vs. Pink Shimp

American Beaver vs. Flamingo

In a battle of tiny might, it seemed the larger Pink Shrimp would win on size. However, the Krill bind together, blocking the sun from Pink Shrimp below. Krill wins. Beaver immediately built a dam to hide from the pink “predator.” However, the Flamingo was able to see over the small façade. Lucky for Beaver, Flamingo has no predatory prowess, and but decided to instead let its left side rest. Beaver gets an “A” for effort. Beaver wins.

Blue Crab vs. Nudibranch

Grizzly Bear vs. Sheep

As Blue crab begins to launch after the Nudibranch with its claws, out of nowhere a second Nudibrach appears. Fearful of the colorful slug duo, Blue Crab backs up. In a surprise, the cannibalistic newcomer eats his own team’s player. Blue Crab wins. ...Grizzly Bear wins.

Great White Shark vs. Orca Whales

Mallard Duck vs. Mustang

The game footage and analysis says it all. Orca wins. With distinct stomping grounds, the two eyed the foreign creature for a few tense minutes. The horse then galloped to stomp Mallard Duck. Petrified, the duck squawked and flapped its wings, scaring Mustang to flee. It seems that the Mustang Predator car’s name was very misleading. Mallard Duck wins.

Swordfish vs. Anglerfish

Porcupine vs. White-tailed Deer

Swordfish came into the game confident it could slash (not spear!) his way to victory. However, Anglerfish contorted its moveable spine to resemble Swordfish’s small prey, luring the toothless, scale-less Swordfish close. Anglerfish then expanded and devoured Swordfish whole. Anglerfish wins. Deer and Porcupine left the court for the road as soon as they arrived – Deer in search of broader grounds, and Porcupine in search of the salty smell emitting from the snowy roads. They both met an unfortunate fate in their quest, but Deer’s antlers and size did more damage to their ultimate predator. White-tailed Deer wins.

Sea Otters vs. Green Sea Turtles

Elk vs. Eagle

In a game of most lovable animals, we’re sad to see one get kicked out. Sea Turtle, scared to be around such a playful animal, retreated into its shell. Sea Otter, which uses rocks to crush shells it finds, accidentally defeated his friend. Sea Otter wins. Early on Eagle had a distinct advantage since it can swarm in from above. But when it went for Elk’s face, it became tangled in Elk’s horns. At least there’s hope that the eagle’s life will have greater meaning. Elk wins.

Humpback Whale vs. Sea Horse

Polar Bear vs. Swan

Humpback spun to its side and easily propelled at Sea Horse for an easy win. Sorry Sea Horse, we were pulling for you. Humpback Whale wins. Swan came to the court with a bang, showing it would be the clear aggressor. But when Polar Bear took his first swing, Swan, emotionally traumatized from leaving its mate after a nesting failure, was reminded of failure and quickly succumbed to defeat. Polar Bear wins.

Portuguese Man-of-War vs. Wolf Eel

Gray Wolf vs. Gopher

The typically unaggressive Wolf Eel lunged at its competitor with its strong jaws, but gets caught in Man-of-War's venomous tentacles (which are slightly less potent than cobra venom). Man-of-War, grateful it was not against its predator Nudibranch, paralyzed Wolf Eel. Portuguese Man-of-War wins. Gopher sprinted onto the court, already knowing it must escape Gray Wolf early on if he was to win the round. However, the prarie dog’s veggie diet made it no predatory match for the ferocious wolf, which takes down small prey in its spare time as a baby wolf game. Gray Wolf wins.

Octopus vs. Crown of Thorns Starfish

Raccoon vs. Eastern Cotton-tailed Rabbit

In an unexpectedly close game, both competitors tried to latch onto the competition and pry the body open. The intelligent octopus wrangled the starfish, but was wounded by its poisonous spikes. When it seemed all hope was lost for Octopus, it squirted poison, maiming the Starfish. Polyps in the crowd rejoiced and cheered. Octopus wins. “Little bunny Foo-foo hopping through the first round, scooping up the raccoons and boppin’ ‘em on the head. And down came the referee and she said ‘Little Bunny Foo-foo I don’t wanna see you, scooping up the raccoon and boppin ‘em on the head. I’ll give you 3 chances or I’ll turn you into a rock!” …Three chances later the unintelligent Eastern Cotton-Tailed Rabbit turned into a rock for the very frazzled Raccoon to climb on.Raccoon wins.

Bottlenose Dolphin vs. California Sea Lion

Garden Spider vs. Striped Skunk

Thinking the competition was actually a playdate, Bottlenose Dolphin approacheed California Sea Lion for fun. California Sea Lion thought that sounded like a better plan, and the two tossed a ball around for a while before telling the crowd that everyone is a winner. Despite the game, we’ve heard dolphins can get pretty aggressive with sharks when competing for food, so we’re going to give them this one. Bottlenose Dolphin wins. Garden Spider came prepared to the game, weaving a web between two trees it brought along. Unfortunately for Garden Spider, the trees were fruited trees, and Striped Skunk unintentionally eats the spider while going after some blueberries. Striped Skunk wins.

Cormorant vs. Blue Fin Tuna

Jaguar vs. Cougar

After a long, scoreless game, the fast moving Blue Fin won the competition with its endurance in overtime. Blue Fin Tuna wins. The two wild cats went after each other furiously, trying to claw one another. After a bloody match, both were exhausted, but there was no clear winner. Referees convened and determined that between any Jaguar car and the Mercury Cougar, there’s no competition. Jaguar wins.

Looking Ahead

Since we looked at everyone's Offense last week, this week we're looking at Defense. Those who have the best escape strategy when faced with a stronger enemy will be the victors of this round. These winners will be the champs of their division (the eight color categories) as they go into Round 3. Good luck!

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